If you know our story, you know that the beginning chapter of our marriage has been an adjustment for us. I know we’re not alone in the first few years of our marriage being a unique and surprising challenge, but pair up the usual newlywed challenges with blending a family, suffering a miscarriage, and a global pandemic and you’ve got yourself a nice little pot to stir. Izzy and I went on our honeymoon a few months after our wedding, and it was great! We certainly needed it, and some longtime family friends of ours offered us their timeshare as a wedding gift, so it will always serve as a sweet reminder of not only our love, but theirs. 

But we hadn’t been on a solo trip, just the two of us, since. Suffice it to say that we were ready for a honeymoon-type vacation. We’d been through a lot in our three short years of marriage and both agreed that we could use a little reset. So we looked at our work schedules and decided to celebrate our anniversary a few months early. We were so excited to go to Secrets Puerto Los Cabos (a full run-down of the trip you can find here), and even while we were there, we had several moments of pausing and reflecting back to one another how happy we were to be there, just us two. I remember meeting tons of newlyweds there on their honeymoon, adjusting to their new roles as husband and wife. The wedding was over, and they were learning things about their spouse that perhaps they’d never known before – or, perhaps, that they’d never known in the context of covenant. 

I remember looking at these couples, so excited for them to begin their new life together, and simultaneously, so grateful that this was my anniversary trip, and not my honeymoon. There were just some things about an anniversary trip that I found sweeter than a honeymoon.

We Know Each Other Better

This one may seem obvious, but knowing where your spouse’s triggers are can certainly help you navigate the stresses of traveling with minimal aggravation. Even if you’re traveling somewhere you’ve been before, there will always be extra stressors, and knowing your spouse better can help you step in where they need you. Knowing each other deeply also helped us make this trip special for each other. I knew Izzy wanted to play all the games all the time so I rallied and made time in our schedule for it, and he knew that surprising me with a romantic dinner would be super special for me, so he planned it. There was a familiarity between the two of us that helped make the newness of our trip feel safe enough to venture into, and that really set this trip apart.

There’s also something to be said about adjusting expectations before the trip based solely on your knowledge of the other person. I had admittedly high expectations for our honeymoon and found myself frustrated when he didn’t have the same expectations. Which brings me to my next point.

There’s Not So Much Pressure

You ever heard the phrase, “Honeymoon Phase?” The phase in a relationship, where every memory is cast in golden hour lighting, and you never fight, and nothing is ever wrong, and the two of you just think the other hung the moon because you haven’t been married through enough life yet? While some couples are really great at navigating the stressors of life, a lot of us really aren’t and traveling together as you’re learning more things about the other person that deeply annoy or offend you, isn’t always going to yield “Honeymoon Phase” results. There’s a lot of pressure on your honeymoon to be happy, to be in love, to have wild, novel sex twice a day every day, to look amazing, to have epic adventures, and to actually feel like you’re in the honeymoon phase.

In our experience, there just wasn’t that same pressure on this trip.

We expected to have a great time, and we also expected that at some point, we’d probably have an argument, and likely, what that argument would be about. Before we left we talked about the kind of trip we both wanted to have, what was important to us and how much alone time we needed. We decided we’d spend the entire trip on the resort because honestly? We didn’t want to leave. We just didn’t feel like we needed to prove to anyone that we were in love, like it sometimes feels when you tell people you’re on your honeymoon. It felt like this was our trip, and it wasn’t for anyone else, and we weren’t doing it wrong when we were disappointed by something. The only expectations were the ones we set and communicated to each other before we left, and that was such a sweet gift. 

There’s a Deep Sense of Reward

You know those incentive trips that companies send their best employees on to celebrate their accomplishments? Our anniversary trip sort of felt like that. It felt like a rich reward both relationally and emotionally for all the hard work we put in throughout these last three years. We fought for each other, we fought for the life we built together and the life we want to build together, we fought our poor instincts, and our insecurities and this trip was a chance for us to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It was sort of like a Sabbath for our relationship. It was a chance for us to recharge, reset, and just enjoy each other’s company for a little while. 

Back home, there is so much to do, so much to worry over, and so many things that need to get done in order for our family to thrive in life. There is emotional work, there’s family planning, there’s work stress, and all of it needs tending to and attention. But this trip, we got to just be, and just like the farmers need to give their land some time to not be producing anything, to not be tilled up, to not be dug, yielding, or planted into, so too, we need time to just rest. 

I don’t think I’ll ever wait that long again to really celebrate the milestones we’re collecting together. What good is producing fruitfulness, if we never take the time to enjoy it?

I want to hear from you

What is the best way you’ve celebrated a milestone with your spouse? Me, myself and I want to know! Leave a comment below and tell me your favorite anniversary celebration!

Xo,

Jess